May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
