I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
