it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
