i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
