Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
