so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
