WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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