I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
