It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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