wake up i wanna do it froggy style
this beer tastes like vomit already
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Randomize
