I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
