Don't you send me to vm
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
