Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
