my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
