New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
