some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
