i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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