the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
