I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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