His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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