we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
