He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
