I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
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