I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
