I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize