he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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