hotel room ftw
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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