it wasn't lemon gatorade
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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