I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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