My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
