yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Ambien. No doubt about it.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Randomize
