a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
