Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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