You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
