he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
You're like the curious george of whores
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
