there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
