walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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