I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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