Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
