I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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