Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
