i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
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