I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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