Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize