I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My ass is underappreciated
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
