for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
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