I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
