nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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