the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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