Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
