Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
