The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
No I am not eating basil off your cock
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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