Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Randomize
