Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
