big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
