He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
