I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
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