hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize