i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
