happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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