I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
