we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
