where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
My friends, they love my intelligence
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I have feelings that need drinking.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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