Soap is not a condiment
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
