She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
