I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
